Busy Bee

October 8th, 2009.

Life has been a bit busy these past few days! I've missed a bit...let's play some catch up, shall we? Wednesday had my morning business meeting with York. I'm so pumped every time we meet, it just reassures me that things are happening and life is going to take off very, very soon.

She told me not to go to my callback tomorrow. And, it at first upset me, but the more I thought about it, the more she's right. The deal with is was it's for a network show, so I would potentially be a character on the show for a whole season, however, there's nudity involved. I actually worked up the nerve to ask my acting teacher when class was over and she said, “As an actress, I would never lock down something I wasn't proud of.” And she's exactly right. I wasn't going to be proud of this if I did go through with it. It's not something I would want my mom to see. I always want my mom to see and admire my work as an artist and I just don't think I could bring myself to even tell her about it. So, I hung up my hopes of my t.v. debut and decided it'll happen for me soon. In another more wholesome way. I'm happy.

I did my scene in class yesterday and my teacher was quite pleased, which again just reinforces that I am on the right path. I'm doing something right. I got assigned a new scene and scene partner. I'm in trouble...he's way cute. And we have to kiss in our scene. Score! I mean...um trouble....

Then I rushed off to another audition that I bombed. And I'm not just being modest, my whole heart was left behind in the car so I just walked in and didn't even try. I don't know why, I just completely took myself out of the competition. Bummer.

Then it was off to my theater company's first meeting after a long haitus. I was super excited to be there with other creative people again who are all there for the love of the craft and not for the money. I found out some great news too...all of us creative people who are not in it for the money are now going to be able to get paid because we are officially a theater company that can accept grants from this point on! Hoorah!! That is really terrific news.

From the meeting I came back to wonderful Manhattan Beach and went out with my roomies and one of our coworkers to Shark's Cove. I got drunk. Damn. We were bought two rounds of shots and met some interesting men, then pigged out on some food from the Kettle on the way home. I was drunk.

This morning I got up fairly early to meet with my scene partner. Adorable. I hope he's not gay. Or has a girlfriend. I hope he's single and straight. After which it was back home to take a nap. I'm tired!!

Worked alllllll night from 5pm to 2:30am. I got stuck with the late shift and my wonderful roomies stayed with me the whole time. I love them! We got some business to come in and buy our food. I made a bit more in tips. We met some new friends. It was a decent night. Now though, I am quite exhausted and we may be meeting Lacey's family for breakfast tomorrow morn, that is if we can all get up. We shall see. We shall see...

I love leading a busy life, I just hope I can keep everything straight and give 100% to everything and not falter.

Up too long....

October 6, 2009.

Woke up before the sun rose, worked out, showered and headed off to planned parenthood for a nice two hour wait. Oh, how I love free medical service.

Then it was off to work for the next 8 hours of my life. I'm telling you, I have never ever been more motivated to get the f out of customer service than I am now. It's actually working wonders on my creativity output! Hooray for hating your day job!!

I guess I don't have too much to report for today. Things are going well, I'm busy with my acting all week, which is thrilling and gives me a reason to keep paying my bills so that I can keep living in L.A.

Um...I'm off to the grocery store and then back home again, home again to work out before bed and write some more good stuff!

Tomorrow I'll have more interesting things to say...maybe!

Positively Positive

October 5, 2009.

Today was great. Sort of.

Went back to an acting class I haven't been to in about two months (due to lack of funds) and felt super uber confident and happy with my work. Then I went on a shopping spree at Urban Outfitters (God, I love that store) and bought an incredibly adorable new dress to wear on my audition this evening.

It did the trick. I got a callback (second audition, that's a good thing) for this friday and if I get cast...well, I'm gonna be part of the next season of a show, but the title will remain confidential (sorry!). So, keep your fingers crossed on friday for me!

Then when I got home I received more good news about my acting career, a director emailed me requesting that I come in for an audition this saturday for his upcoming project as well as do a quick shoot on saturday for a project he's currently filming. Sweet! I'm there!

My horoscope did say October would be a great month for my career! I'm stoked and couldn't be happier with the way things are going acting-wise.

However, the part of my life that always gives me aches and pains...men. Ugh. Those of you who've read my previous blog know of Seattle. Well, Seattle struck again. I even hate writing about him because I feel like the only reason he enters my life is in hopes of being a part of my blog (yes, he still reads it.)

But, my problem is, why is it so hard for women to get past things? I know we need closure, but what kind of closure are we looking for? Seattle and I tried the friends thing. It didn't work for me. I tried the hateful thoughts thing. It doesn't work for me. Seattle's got a girlfriend now...clearly he's moved on. Why can't I?

I think what it is is that I'm taking out my anger toward men, all men, specifically, out on Seattle, he's just an easy target. He's the last guy I had genuine feelings for and that I thought had genuine feelings for me. I guess that's my problem, that whole situation makes me feel so unlovable. Arghghggghhh!! I don't want to write about this stuff anymore, that's why I stopped “Year of My Fake Engagement”. It does me no good! So I need to just focus on the positive, my career.

Focus on the POSITIVE!!!

Awkward First Date

October 4, 2009.

Well today was definitely one for my book of firsts. I went on an awkward first date with that guy I met at the restaurant.

He's a marine.

Just got back from Iraq 6mo's ago.

Very conservative. (I'm very liberal)

Calls me “sweety” or “baby”.

Is gonna think of something fun for us to do this wednesday. (I might not go.)

This just constantly makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. I meet guy after guy and none of them click. Was dating always this hard? Or does it just become harder when you know what you want and refuse to settle? I think I answered my own question.

I mean I had a good time with the Marine. I wouldn't call it a great time. It was quite dull at moments. We did walk around the Hometown Fair, checked out some art, took a political quiz (to discover which end of the spectrum we were on...um, complete opposites), then he walked with me to work and had a beer until I had to clock in. He's nice. He's quirky. He's got tattoes. I just feel like I had to force a lot of the conversation, a lot of the time.

Then there was work. Oh God how I loathe my job. I seriously wanted to shoot myself and actually considered just walking out. But these chains, oh dear Lord, these chains that bind me...called rent, bills, gas money, acting classes. I couldn't leave.

It was F*ing Chuck e Cheese in the restaurant tonight. Every table I got had about three to six kids and I couldn't move a foot without tripping over a babydoll stroller.

I don't like kids. Especially misbehaved kids. Misbehaved Parents are even worse and I had my fair share of them this evening as well. Customer Service sucks my balls, excuse the foul language, but it's helping me to vent about work!

I just have to keep telling myself, someday it will all be over and done with. No more waiting tables, no more fake smiles, no more “Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot, I didn't realize you needed me to wipe your ass as well as put the food into your mouth, because you are incapable of doing so yourself, your drinks are on me!”

GET ME OUT OF HERE! This is the strongest motivation I have ever had to get my acting career on its feet and high into the air! Hollywood here I...no, Hollywood, I'm right here! Notice me!!

Everyone should have to serve food at some point in their lives, the world would be a better place and I wholeheartedly believe that. Good night.

Hometown Fair

October 3, 2009.

Ok, so today has a few more happy notes than that of yesterdays post. Worked this morning, got up sleepy as all get out, so I threw on clothes, didn't shower and just did my makeup real nice so that no one would assume...

Had a table today that consisted of a guy and his parents. Very sweet family. And every time I brought something over for them, they were uber gracious and thankful and so nice. Then I casually asked, “So are you going to the hometown fair?” It's going on today and tomorrow and I've heard lots about it, so I figured, I'd make chit chat. The parents immediately said no, but the guy kind of eyed me and asked, “Are you going?”

I told them that I really want to and I hope to go tonight or tomorrow, because I'm “new in town”, etc etc.

Living in Manhattan Beach is like living in the Twilight Zone. We still live in L.A. but somehow we've managed to move to a place that has this crazy small town, everyone knows your name and your business feel. It's still blowing my mind. Anywhere else in Los Angeles you don't run into people you know constantly. But here...every corner you turn.

So, anywho, I made conversation with the fam and they seemed to take a liking to me. So when they were leaving the guy came up to me and handed me the check, which included his email and he said, “Well, Irene, I'll be at the fair tomorrow...here's my email if you wanna meet up!”

Ha! Ok, so I'm gonna take a chance and I'm totally gonna email him and give him my number and quite possibly go to the fair with him tomorrow. How random but quite fun.

This town...man.

Well, I kept telling my roomies, the guy was quite attractive, there was just something about him that kind of gave me chills. Like, his eyes, they were just very intense, or maybe it was the way he acted with his parents, or who knows what it was, it was strange and I feel like there's something familiar about him as well...

It's weird and I can't describe, but maybe it'll make for a really great story tomorrow!

Lacey and I did a quick run-through of the fair and the “Beer Garden” before she had to head to work. I wish we all had more time to hang out there because it could be a lot of fun.

We ran into many people we knew...surprisingly enough. Including our manager as well as Lacey's most recent hook-up. We had an awkward encounter with the hook-up...um...don't know what was going on there. And we realized we've really moved to a freaking small town.

To quote Lacey: “Get me out of here!!!”

I think I can live here, but I might not be able to go out here...we shall see.

Rape and Roofies...I don't like either.

October 2/3, 2009.

Wow. So this was an unexpected night of first.

Worked all day at the restaurant, wanted to blow my brains out because of how horrible a person the owner of the place is. Just kept reassuring myself...someday, I'll be rewarded and this will all be worth it!

Then came home exhausted and pissed off about stupid unimportant things only to discover that one of my friends is the product of a rape. This, he discovered today. Oh my god, what do you say/do after discovering that?

He is one of the most sweet, gentle, caring, generous people I have ever known in my entire life and I just kept telling him what a gift he has been to his family all these years. Something amazingly, heartstoppingly positive out of something disgusting and terrible.

Wow.

Then, went out with Lacey and some co-workers (one of which was my manager) and I decided to dress as random as possible and pose as a bachelorette for the evening...well! What a way to get free shots! Free shots galore!

And I think Lacey was roofied...

Um, I have no evidence, just the fact that she went from fun drunk to “Oh my god, I can't walk, I think I'm gonna throw up, you have to carry me up the steps to our apartment!” drunk in 0 to 60. It was one of the scariest things I've ever witnessed and thank God, I'm not so drunk that I can't function either. I, along with one of our friends got her up the stairs, into bed, shoes off, blanket on, garbage pail in front of her bed and now she is sort of snoring.

It was insanity! Now, I've seen Lacey drunk, many a nights. Never, ever, ever like this! Never! She could not walk up the stairs, we had to coach her up each step and then I had to talk her down from her panic attack which she was having once she was in bed. Telling her, “It'll pass, it's only temporary.” Because she kept telling me she couldn't move her head or feel her legs (...um roofie?). Yeah...I don't really feel like going out in Hermosa again anytime soon. I just also feel weird that our manager was there...um...awkward.

I don't know. This was definitely a bizarre turn of events. I hope she wakes up tomorrow bright eyed and happy like always. I have never had to take care of someone to that extent. I love that girl and it's funny, because I'm feeling embarrassed for her, and she probably won't even care tomorrow, because that's just how she is.

She is wonderful!

Lesson of the day: Be there for your friends!

911 I need my Self-esteem back!!!

October 1, 2009.

Yay a new month, always exciting...

Something I learned about myself tonight. I am pathetic and have the least amount of confidence I have ever had in my entire life. This needs to stop right here and now.

I got a text from a guy friend that lives down here in M.B. asking if I was still working in the Oaks these days. I replied, “I'm not sure, why?” Because, I honestly don't know if I'm still working up there, my asshole manager didn't put me on the schedule at all this week, because I “didn't give him my schedule.” Even though I told him point blank I would always work wednesday's and saturdays up there...anywho, that's a whole other issue I need not get into at this moment.

Back to the story, so my M.B. friend goes, “One of my friends was up there and said it's Bomb and the girl working there was hot.”

I replied with, “Prolly Nikki, or was it someone hosting?”

And I got all pissed and annoyed because I'm so sick and tired of people telling me that Nikki's hot or that the little underage hostess we have working there is hot. So, I gave him short answers after that to try to end the convo as soon as possible.

Then it hit me.

Maybe that was compliment. Maybe he was referencing the fact that it could've been me, the “hot chick” his friend had seen up there. Man am I pathetic. What is wrong with me??? When did I become so ugly on the inside that I no longer view myself as pretty on the outside?

Ugh...major damage control needs to happen this week! I hate what L.A. has done to me.

* * *

Anywho, tried a new restaurant with the roomies tonight (it being our one month anniversary and all...) It's called Side Door and it's real small and cozy and chic looking. Food was delicious and despite the fact I feel fat these days, I still ate my whole burger and fries along with dessert. Sooo full....

But the food was rather good, check it out if you're ever in M.B.