I'm likeable!

October 16, 2009

I've just exploded with too many things to do these days! I can't seem to keep much straight.

Yesterday, I worked all day long and then sat with Nikki while she did the late night at the restaurant. I went to bed feeling kind of lame about myself again last night.

This morning I got up, not nearly as early as I should've. I had to be in Studio City by 11am and didn't leave M.B. until 10:30am. And it's friday, so traffic was horrendous! I had to cancel the rehearsal I had for class. But, I did manage to make it to my audition all the way up in Santa Clarita on time.

Don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think I blew the audition out of the water...we shall see! It was my first audition with my new haircut, so if I do perchance get it, I'm taking it as a very good sign!

I decided today that I no longer go on auditions. I get cast. I get the part. I film. Every day. If possible. I'm on a serious mission.

And on the drive home, in the two hours it took me sitting in traffic, I realized that I've been really shitty to myself and the people around me. I need to start liking me more. And, when I got to work, I put that thought into action and guess what??? I got the best tips I've ever gotten to date. And, none of my tables had complaints. None of them seemed snobby to me. And you know why I think it was? Because I liked me!!! I enjoyed being me! I thought my hair looked cute, I looked cute, I was fun and witty and likeable. Where has that girl been the past few weeks??? She really went into hiding. Well, she's back and she's not going anywhere for awhile.

Gotta hit the hay, I have an early rehearsal tomorrow then another long day at work. Blah! I won't miss another day of blogging...i, er, um, sort of promise...

Friendships are two sided

October 14, 2009.

Today I learned that a) I need to become more confident despite my short hair and b) I need to be a better friend to people despite living way down far yonder.

Got up and worked out this morning (yay shred!) It's my goal to look stunning by Oct. 30th for my movie premiere as well as for the audition I have on Oct. 31st, where I need to be a hottie that walks into a bar and makes every man drool. Right...well, at least I'll feel really good about my body in a couple weeks.

I had class at 2pm. Sadly no business meeting with York this week, she's out of town for a wedding. But, I did set up plans for new headshots, thanks to my scene partner who's trying to build her photography portfolio. And a private coaching with my teacher, which will cost me a fortune, but I have an audition on tuesday for a feature and I'm ready to start booking roles rather than just auditioning for them. I'm ready!!! So, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to kick some ass, even if it means I'm breaking the bank to do it!

After class, I did some therapy shopping. Bought some cute clothes that will hopefully distract people from my hair...or at least make me feel like I look cute.

Then I made a play date with Adain. We always randomly text one another and have randomly hooked up in the past (almost on labor day), but we are friends nonetheless, so I figured, while I'm in the valley, I might as well put in some time with old friends, such as Adain.

We went to go see 'The Invention of Lying'. It was a decent movie. It was kind of funny because the whole premise is about a world where everyone tells the truth and if that were the case in our world, I kept thinking, what would I really be saying to Adain right now?

“I don't really know why I asked you to come to the movies with me tonight. Maybe it was because I was considering having sex with you to make me feel better after chopping off my beautiful sexy hair, leaving me feeling unattractive and unconfident, but now that we're hanging out, I'm reminded of all the things that irritate me about you and we are definitely not going to have sex tonight. So now I feel a little awkward sitting in this theater with you, wondering what you're expecting or thinking is going to happen tonight.”

That probably wouldn't have gone over so well, huh?

Well, I am glad I met up with him. It's important I do things with other people every once in awhile, so that my roomies aren't my only source of socialization. Maybe every Wednesday if I'm not working, I'll make a habit out of visiting a friend from the valley. That would be fun!

Came home to an empty apartment, Nikki was dropping Lacey off at the airport. She's gonna be gone for the rest of the week. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her! We've been bosom buddies since moving in. Nikki's been a little anti-social. So maybe this will get Nikki to come out of her room a bit more and we can have some bonding time while Lacey's away.

Have to work tomorrow, but I'm getting up at decent time and getting my sweat on! No more excuses from this girl! I'm doing it full out (at least until the 30th)!

Go call a friend!

Found $20

October 13, 2009.

Found $20 on my run today. This is what I did with it:

Bought medicine for my roomie $3.99
Gatorade and Water for me and Lacey after our run $4
Donated $5 to Breast Cancer (plus change)
Bought sun-dried tomatoe spread for Lacey and I at the Farmer's Market $7

Then, the guy at the market was super nice and thought I was cute, so he threw in extra stuff with our purchase. Karma.

This day turned out to be great.

My favorite part? Lacey and I went on a 4mi run and on the way home, instead of running we pumped up our ipods and danced the entire way. People were scared. We were happy. Break away from the norm more often! Do something unexpected! Your happiness will be rewarded!

What would you do with a free $20?

Turkey Artichoke

October 13, 2009.

Alright, alright, so yes I was being melodramatic the other day. I just hated the thought of not having my hair back until next summer!

I actually got up yesterday for class and did my bangs and did my hair (then decided to pull it back into the worlds smallest ponytail) and I got quite a few compliment from my classmates at class and then at rehearsal after, so it made me a bit more hopeful. My biggest problem right now though is just my headshots and that may not even be much of a problem for too much longer. My acting class partner said she'd take pictures for me. Perfect!

I just need a few to get by until my hair grows out. Then I can go back to the old ones, if I still like the message they're sending.

Yesterday put me in a better mood. Still, it will be a challenging month. Went to see 'Zombieland' with Lacey last night. Good movie, go see it! Emma Stone is my new hero and I want to be her. She always plays awesome roles that I could totally do. And she's cute but she's no “Hollywood hottie”, she just manages to make her career on her talent. Like everyone should.

For new things I tried yesterday, I tried a new sandwich at Panera. Gross. Turkey Artichoke. Never again.

And as for last night we invited a guy to come over and chill with us that we had met at the restaurant the other night when I was working the late night. He's super fun and super adorable. Nikki keeps telling us that one of us needs to “claim” him. I keep telling her that I don't want to because we need some guy friends that are just friends. And personally I feel that if one of us “claims” him and we jump into something and it doesn't work out, well there goes a potential really great friend. If something's meant to be between him and one of us (God, I hate that Lacey and I are so alike) then it will develop over time and be ten times more meaningful than if we just “bed him” now.

I'm over jumping in. I'm ready to take my sweet time. I want a boyfriend, not a plaything.

Well, we had a lot of fun last night with a bottle of wine and a few rounds of “Apples to Apples”. Hope we do that again soon.

Today, I have the day off, but I am doing a couple of rehearsals for acting class as well as my female quartet. So, it will be a creatively fulfilling day. I should definitely work out somewhere in there as well. I was hoping for a dance class in this area, but damn this is a small town with very few choices.

Alright...onward and upward and don't get the Turkey Artichoke Sandwich from Panera.

I'm ugly.

October 11, 2009.

I'm officially the ugly friend. I feel like I've lost all my sexuality and power and I just want to hide under a rock and not come out until my hair has grown back.

I've been depressed all day. I can't stand my hair. I don't know how I'm supposed to have any self-esteem at all when I look in the mirror and see myself. Now, I'm not only uninteresting, but I'm unattractive.

Ok, sure, I'm being a bit dramatic, but I don't know what else to do. This is just no good. It's going to take months for my hair to grow back and my bangs to grow out. So, I've got months of low self-esteem to look forward to. Hoorah. If I thought getting a boyfriend was hard before, just wait.

This completely and utterly sucks. I have to go to acting class tomorrow and play a character that is powerful and sexy and all I can think to do is hide under a hat and cry. I don't think I'm even allowed to wear a hat in class tomorrow, so now I'm really screwed. I just want to stay home.

It's really that bad. I just don't want to go anywhere until my hair grows back. I'm uber, uber depressed.

Just went out with Lacey tonight and of course we thought all the same guys were hot and of course not any of them were interested in me. She was even being rather tame this evening and not forcing herself on any of them, and yet, they still end up asking for her number, not mine. I am the ugly, uninteresting friend. Awesome.

I'm going to try to get up tomorrow and work out and turn my negative attitude into a more constructive positive one, it's just so freaking hard when you live with a model who has a steady relationship, and a girl who's almost just like you in every way and gets all the guys your attracted to without even trying. I hate that I feel like I need a man in my life to reaffirm my value, but right now, that's what I need. It's been too long since I've had someone tell me I was beautiful or want to kiss and hold me. It's been forever.

I hate feeling worthless. That's how I feel right now. It's the worst. I need to go to bed. Goodnight.

New Haircut

October 10, 2009.

Haircut day...what a disaster!!! Thank goodness for great friends like Lacey.

It all started at 9am when I went to my haircut appointment at Bob Roy's. I brought a picture of what I was hoping for and told her I didn't want to look like twins with my roomie, who just got her hair cut with bangs and layers. I also told her that I needed to keep the length, so that my headshots still work.

The cutting began. Cut. There goes six inches. Cut. There goes another six inches. Cut. Now I have bangs. Snip, snip, cut, cut. Done. I look like Lacey's twin. Fuck my life.

I had to run off to work, so I really couldn't stay and ask her to fix it. But at work I was so miserable. It looks exactly like the cut I got when I was in 7th grade, thick straight bangs, and shoulder length hair. It looked horrendous. Lacey came right over to tell me, “It looks good! It's cute!” and everything else a good friend is supposed to say when their other friend is facing a crisis.

Well, after a terrible day at work, I just couldn't stand the thought of living with this awful haircut, so Lacey accompanied me back down to the salon where I got my haircut to see if they could salvage it by any means. We walked in and there was the woman who cut my hair, sitting right there at the front desk, great.

So, I simply said, “So, my hair looks just like my roomies, is there any way we can change it up a little?” And she just looked at me and said, “Ooh, no, we'd have to wait for the bangs to grow out.”

Then Lacey tried, “Well, could we put like some more choppy layers in it or something?”

The stylist, still not moving, said, “Well, we need to keep the length don't we?”

I couldn't believe she wasn't jumping all over trying to make an unsatisfied customer happy!!! She was basically telling us that there was nothing we could do to make my hair look better. Excuse me?? You messed up my hair, you better damn well fix it!!!

We left Bob Roy's absolutely appalled by how they treated us. We looked for the closest salon and found “Hush” right around the corner. We went in and declared our state of emergency. They were super nice and got me right in. They couldn't believe my hair or how I was treated and they came up with a number of solutions that could take care of the problem.

And an hour and half later, I have an incredibly cute haircut and am in such a better mood! Now, granted, I probably have to get new headshots, but all in all, it ended up well.

I just could not believe that other stylist. They lost two customers today. Bad customer service...gets you nowhere.

Ooh, I think my pizza's here...off to fill my grumbly tummy! Then possibly off to Oktoberfest tonight! We shall see...

Don't settle for bad hair! No matter the cost!

Raging Hormones

October 9, 2009.

Hormones. I hate them. I've been on the verge of tears all day for absolutely no reason at all. I almost cried because the reception in my apartment was so bad I couldn't make an appointment to get my hair done. So, I walked down to the salon and almost cried when they told me they couldn't fit me in until tomorrow. I made an appointment and while walking home I text Lacey my misfortune and she replied and when I went to respond to her text my phone shut off, like it's been doing for the past six months. I almost cried. Then, I decided to go watch a movie, I've been dying to see '(500) Days of Summer' so I was gonna take myself on a date, but I couldn't find the theater and by the time I found it I was too late and couldn't find the parking lot for the theater...I almost cried.

What the hell?

Today was my day off and I spent 90% of it almost crying. Pathetic.

I get my hair done in the morning...I'm psyched about that. Then it's off to work for a few hours, then an audition and quick shoot for a movie that's being submitted to the Berlinale in Berlin. Interesting...so I have things to look forward to and nothing to be sad about. Tomorrow will be better!