No Cell Phones

September 15, 2009

1:58am.

Man was this one for the books! Lots of fun new things took place this evening (last night, I guess technically).

Spent the day being somewhat unproductive, then got ready to go country line dancing with the roomies. We headed down to Hermosa Pier as soon as Nikki got back from work and went to a bar that has live music and the smallest dance floor known to man. The band was awesome though and if we had known more moves we would've killed that dance floor.

We heard a couple bars down though, some pretty brutal karaoke going on, and just had to know what it was. We found the source of the noise and headed in. We found a spot in the corner and sat. None of us were really drinking tonight. I need to sort of detox from all the alcohol intake from this past week. So we decided if anyone asked, we would tell them this was our AA meeting.

Now, the thing about L.A. is that about 90% of the population actually is in AA. So, lo and behold, someone asked and we claimed this was our weekly meeting (at a bar...uh...ok), he believed us and started asking questions only someone in AA would know to ask. Eek. We told him we needed to get down to business so that he would leave and he did.

Not too long after, however, someone else came and joined our group and we told him the same thing. Unfortunately, this guy was actually really fun and nice and believed us and divulged info about his alcoholic grandfather hopes to be sober someday as well. Oops. Lacey was the one talking to him and she felt so bad, but how do we now backtrack??? Then, as luck would have it, the waitress came over with three shots for us. I looked at her and with very wide eyes, said, “Oh, no we can't drink!”

She was so confused and I think a little offended. So Nikki went and told her that we were playing a practical joke on this guy, the waitress laughed. The “shots” were bought for us by one of the bartenders as a “welcome to the neighborhood”. So we thanked him later as well, when he informed us that they were in fact just oj and some other kind of juice. He noticed that we weren't drinking, so he didn't get us real shots. Hilarious!

Well, another thing we all did tonight that was unusual of my normal pattern is that we left our cell phones at home. Who were we expecting to hear from? No need for them! It was so freeing! I actually didn't even think about it the entire night. Plus, it kept me from checking, in hopes that someone I wanted to hear from would call. I might just do that more often.

Alright, well, we ended up making friends with half the bar, per usual, but I'm just gonna bitch about one thing, and then I'm done, it'll be out my system and I'll be over it. I will never, ever be able to get a guy if I'm always going out with Nikki. No matter what, I am invisible whenever we are together. I love her to death and she is one of the most humble, sweetest people I know and she should never, ever feel guilty about this, but man does it piss me off, when we're sitting at a table together and an old man comes over (and when I say old, I mean late 50's), leans over my lap, without so much as a glance or an “excuse me” and says, “I know I'm too old for you, but I just wanted to tell you that you are a very pretty girl. Very pretty. I'm Vince. You are very pretty.”

I mean...you're practically on my lap, sir. And although, I'm totally not interested in creepy older men, it makes me feel like I must have a penis or am i chop liver? He acted as if it were an empty chair he were leaning across. And what possess everyone with the need to inform beautiful women of how beautiful they are...I will never understand this phenomenon. It's like the highest value you could have as part of the female species and if you have it you are constantly being reminded as if you may have forgotten.

I try to have a lot of self-confidence, but when I go out with Nikki, I don't hold any hope of meeting a guy. Goddamn, superficial, f*ing L.A. that has made every guy so jaded that unless you're 5'10” you should just go back to Alabama or wherever you came from if you ever want to be noticed.

Ugh, alright, I bitched. I'm done. Moving on.

Moral of the story: Go out without your cellphone sometime and if you don't even own one, good for you! Also, don't lie about being in AA at a bar...people totally blow your cover by buying you shots from across the room (we were bought a second round by someone else...)

Oh and the best part of the story, we had admitted our lie to all that mattered and since it was karaoke one of the guys we'd been chatting with finished singing his song and then announced over the mic, “THAT WAS FOR THE AA GIRLS IN THE BACK. THANKS FOR NOT DRINKING TONIGHT!”

Yeah, so we have a way of making sure everyone knows us...hey, no such thing as bad publicity, right??