I'm ugly.

October 11, 2009.

I'm officially the ugly friend. I feel like I've lost all my sexuality and power and I just want to hide under a rock and not come out until my hair has grown back.

I've been depressed all day. I can't stand my hair. I don't know how I'm supposed to have any self-esteem at all when I look in the mirror and see myself. Now, I'm not only uninteresting, but I'm unattractive.

Ok, sure, I'm being a bit dramatic, but I don't know what else to do. This is just no good. It's going to take months for my hair to grow back and my bangs to grow out. So, I've got months of low self-esteem to look forward to. Hoorah. If I thought getting a boyfriend was hard before, just wait.

This completely and utterly sucks. I have to go to acting class tomorrow and play a character that is powerful and sexy and all I can think to do is hide under a hat and cry. I don't think I'm even allowed to wear a hat in class tomorrow, so now I'm really screwed. I just want to stay home.

It's really that bad. I just don't want to go anywhere until my hair grows back. I'm uber, uber depressed.

Just went out with Lacey tonight and of course we thought all the same guys were hot and of course not any of them were interested in me. She was even being rather tame this evening and not forcing herself on any of them, and yet, they still end up asking for her number, not mine. I am the ugly, uninteresting friend. Awesome.

I'm going to try to get up tomorrow and work out and turn my negative attitude into a more constructive positive one, it's just so freaking hard when you live with a model who has a steady relationship, and a girl who's almost just like you in every way and gets all the guys your attracted to without even trying. I hate that I feel like I need a man in my life to reaffirm my value, but right now, that's what I need. It's been too long since I've had someone tell me I was beautiful or want to kiss and hold me. It's been forever.

I hate feeling worthless. That's how I feel right now. It's the worst. I need to go to bed. Goodnight.