911 I need my Self-esteem back!!!

October 1, 2009.

Yay a new month, always exciting...

Something I learned about myself tonight. I am pathetic and have the least amount of confidence I have ever had in my entire life. This needs to stop right here and now.

I got a text from a guy friend that lives down here in M.B. asking if I was still working in the Oaks these days. I replied, “I'm not sure, why?” Because, I honestly don't know if I'm still working up there, my asshole manager didn't put me on the schedule at all this week, because I “didn't give him my schedule.” Even though I told him point blank I would always work wednesday's and saturdays up there...anywho, that's a whole other issue I need not get into at this moment.

Back to the story, so my M.B. friend goes, “One of my friends was up there and said it's Bomb and the girl working there was hot.”

I replied with, “Prolly Nikki, or was it someone hosting?”

And I got all pissed and annoyed because I'm so sick and tired of people telling me that Nikki's hot or that the little underage hostess we have working there is hot. So, I gave him short answers after that to try to end the convo as soon as possible.

Then it hit me.

Maybe that was compliment. Maybe he was referencing the fact that it could've been me, the “hot chick” his friend had seen up there. Man am I pathetic. What is wrong with me??? When did I become so ugly on the inside that I no longer view myself as pretty on the outside?

Ugh...major damage control needs to happen this week! I hate what L.A. has done to me.

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Anywho, tried a new restaurant with the roomies tonight (it being our one month anniversary and all...) It's called Side Door and it's real small and cozy and chic looking. Food was delicious and despite the fact I feel fat these days, I still ate my whole burger and fries along with dessert. Sooo full....

But the food was rather good, check it out if you're ever in M.B.